her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
