believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
