omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
