summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
