just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
