I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
