I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
