I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
