Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You're like the curious george of whores
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
