Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
