i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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