true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
