lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
