Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
