I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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