Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
