I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
