She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
