I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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