We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
