did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
