pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My pussy is not your playground.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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