well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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