The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
