Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
