ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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