I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
