I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
