Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
