I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
