they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
