God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
