i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Enjoy the penises
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
