I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
