I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
