just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
