i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
