This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
