fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
