My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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