If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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