why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
