Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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