you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
