the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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