I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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