I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
