I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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