btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
