omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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