Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
