my phone needs a breathalizer
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
