when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
