The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
