all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
