you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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