is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
