my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
