Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
