I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
