I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
