I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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