I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I fill condoms, not promises.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
