I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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