Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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