Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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